


Broken Battery

by Panic3place



Category: Captain America, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adorable, Cute, Fluff, Fluffy, M/M, Soft Stucky, Soft Stucky Week, Stucky - Freeform, Stucky Week, Stucky fic, steve rogers/Bucky Barnes fluff, stucky fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-20 09:44:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14892251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panic3place/pseuds/Panic3place
Summary: “I never told you” he told the man standing in front of him, shaking his head slightly at his own words as he gave a nervous breathy laugh. “Because what was I supposed to say?”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cool.....

Restless, Bucky stays sitting cross legged in the middle of his new bed unable to sleep. It’s too soft, it’s too comfortable, it’s too safe. All of this is practically new territory for him and every fiber of his being is telling him to get out of this. Yet it’s also telling him not to leave Steve again. Telling him that if he does he’ll regret it as much as the murders he’s committed over the years of him being an asset. But although he hates admitting weakness, he’s scared. And he doesn’t know how to deal with it besides leaving, but he just can’t bring himself to leave the one person that’s risked everything to save him. The one person that’s always risked everything to help him even if he knew he had no chance to. 

Steve. 

But what he’s most scared about, isn’t his inability to sleep properly, or the nightmares, or the memories. It’s the feelings.  
The unexplainable feelings that drown him when he looks at the other. He looks at Steve and everything he thought he was is gone and replaced with something else. Everything he thought he should be goes right out the window and straight into oncoming traffic.  
He thinks maybe just because HYDRA erased his memories doesn’t mean they erased his feelings too. And the feelings just get stronger as he remembers more.  
And he doesn’t even think to try and stop them most of the time. 

Bucky, is tired. He tries to keep awake, tries to find something to do until morning. But it’s his first night in the compound and he doesn’t want to wake Steve up from his well deserved sleep.  
But Bucky kept glancing at the clock and kept being disappointed when it was not seven minutes after he last checked.  
So he just sat there. Not quite sure of how to entertain himself in his bland room.  
He lay down, not paying attention to the fact that this is indeed, a terrible idea and almost immediately fell asleep. Waking up with a start as he screamed unintelligible words into the darkness of his room.  
He couldn’t breathe. All he could do was scream until his throat was raw. Scream until Steve threw the door o his room open and ran to him, grabbing him by the shoulders gently and sitting across from him, telling him calming words as Bucky continued to yell and scream into his pillow that was held close to his chest.  
Steve is to say the least, worried about him. Unsure of whether he should stay like this until Bucky calms down, or try another tactic. But after a few minutes of continuing with talking nonsense about it just being a nightmare, about Bucky being safe, he calmed down, enough until it was just soft sniffles left of the blood curdling screams and cries. He removed his hands from the others shoulders and put them in his lap instead.  
Looking at Bucky worriedly he asked if he was okay. “Bucky? Are you okay? You want some water?” The man in question nodded and let go of his pillow. Mumbling a faint “I’m fine” but clearly he’s not. Because even in the dark when all the light there is in the room is from the faint glow of the moon coming in through the open curtains, Steve can see his extremely bloodshot eyes, and hear the crack inn his voice and the stalls sniffles that he breathes every so often.  
Bucky stands up, Steve following suit.  
The pair make their way to the kitchen, Steve refusing to leave Bucky when he’s just woken up from a nightmare, no matter how many times Bucky apologizes for waking him and tells him to just go back to bed.  
Instead, Steve sits him down at the breakfast bar and grabs him a glass of cold water. Waiting patiently for Bucky to drink it. When he does, Steve walks Bucky back to his room, which is past his own with the bathroom in between the two. “You gonna be okay, Buck?” He asks, concern lacing his tone as he leans in the doorway, waiting for a reply.  
“Yeah” he says, crawling under his duvet and getting comfortable.  
“Good, come get me if you need me” he tells the other, turning to go back to his room.  
Bucky, couldn’t sleep the rest of the night, even when he tried.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yep

The next morning Steve walked into the kitchen, asking Bucky if he wanted something for breakfast. A quick hum of acknowledgement was sent his way and a polite sure. Both me ignored the nightmare of yesterday, Bucky just not wanting to talk about it, and Steve not wanting to bother Bucky with it and make him upset. Besides, he knows Bucky and knows he wouldn’t want to talk about it anyway. What was there to talk about? A lot. But Steve made bacon and eggs and Bucky was happy. Which was making Steve happy. Throughout breakfast they made smalltalk, not really sure what to say at first, but eventually ended up having a great conversation. Neither of them would rather it any other way. Although, Bucky wasn’t impressed when Steve dragged him with him on his run with Sam. Bucky couldn’t think of a worse way to spend his time. Talking to Sam? Count Bucky OUT. And clearly Sam wasn’t exactly thrilled with Bucky being there either, but Steve told them both to shut up, continuing on his run and leaving the other two to stop moving entirely and just argue. Clearly, bringing Bucky was a fail. But he was glad he got the man out of the house. Yesterday was his first night staying there, he’s not used to all this anymore even if it is getting better with his memory improvement. By the time Steve gets back to the compound Bucky is sitting on the couch with Sam watching a movie. “Oh, so now you guys are okay?” Steve asks with raised eyebrows, looking between the two. They both shrug but don’t bother to turn to look at him. “What are you even watching anyway?” Steve asks, deciding it best to change the subject. Bucky turns to give him a small half smile before answering “I dunno actually, Sam grabbed it” Steve nodded slightly as Bucky turned back to the TV, clearly done speaking. So he just sat down in the armchair beside the couch and decided to watch too. Turns out, it was actually Harry Potter and the goblet of fire. And By the time the movie was over it was eleven, Sam left right when it finished and Steve didn’t feel like standing up again. During the movie Steve had curled up on the chair with his feet tucked under him so he somehow managed to look like a cat. And Bucky mostly stayed still the whole movie, looking extremely bored. Which, he was. “What do you want to do now?” Steve asked with no actual intention of moving from where he sat. Bucky shook his head but had a small thinking face showing. “I don’t know” was all he said, tucking a piece of hair behind his ear, only for it to fall back in his face. Struggling he kept trying to blow it out of the way, frowning when it kept moving back. But Steve found it terribly cute, watching the ways he tries to get rid of it before getting frustrated and leaving it there. He couldn’t help but chuckle lightly at it. “Bucky, did you even brush your hair this morning?” He asks, tilting his head slightly at the sort of matted mess. “I tried” was all he said, giving a small huff of irritation at his hair. Steve smiled. “What do you mean ‘you tried?’” Bucky shrugged, a frown still set on his face. “Do you want help?” He asked, knowing the soldier would reject it immediately. But he thought for a moment and nodded, before padding off into the bathroom to grab his hair brush. And Steve was happy. He wanted to help Bucky, even if it was just simply with his hair problems. So a moment later when Bucky came back out of the bathroom holding the hair tool, Steve pointed to the floor in front of him as he shifted his weight so that he could have better access to Bucky’s mane of matted and tangled hair. The winter soldier did as told and sat in front of Steve, leaning against the chair with Steve’s legs on either side of him. He had his knees drawn up to his chest and his arms resting on them as he handed Steve the hair brush over his head. He was slightly shocked when Steve gently brushed through his hair, removing the tangles and knots one by one. He was trying really hard not to hurt Bucky, he of course, would never want to do that. And Bucky, well he didn’t know why he was letting Steve do his hair. If it was anyone else he would’ve said fuck no and left the knots alone. But now that Steve was going through his hair and brushing out all the mini problems, he thinks maybe he could get used to this. They were both quite happy sitting in silence with the only noise being coming from the hair brush carding through Buckys tangled mess. Bucky couldn’t help but have his heart flutter lightly at the fact of being able to have Steve do this for him everyday, and he thinks he might ask for help with his hair, more often. Steve thinks he might offer to help more often, finding this fun and it means he gets to brush Bucky’s hair. He loves his hair. It’s soft and it frames his face in just the way so that it’s left always perfect even after a fight. He is though, a little worried about hurting him. He doesn’t want to pull too hard on his hair or make him uncomfortable. So a small bit after he started brushing he paused, looking at the back of his best friends head inquisitively. “You’d tell me if I was hurting you right?” Bucky nods slowly “yeah, course I would” Steve almost sighs in relief. “Okay” And so cap continues until all the knots have been taken care of and he can run his fingers through Bucky’s hair without a problem. He hands Bucky his brush back with a smile, which almost falters when his fingers brush against the other mans. “Thanks” Bucky says, smiling back. Steve stands up and walks to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. “No problem” They just look at each other for what seems like hours. No one knowing who’s gonna look away first. That is, until the elevator doors open and both boys are so cruelly ripped away from their thoughts. “Hey” Steve says, walking over to Sharon to hug her. “Hey Steve” she smiles wrapping her arms around his waist. Bucky shakes his head, ignoring the now kissing pair. He walks back to his room rather quickly, giving them their space. He saw that coming. So he doesn’t know why that was such a big surprise to him. He wabts to scream. He wants to scream and smother himself with his pillow. He knows he shouldn’t though. So he just lays down and stares blankly at his wall. Hoping that no nightmares will plague his dreams as they usually do. He tries to sleep. It doesn’t work though. He’s kept awake by thoughts that drown him. He never understood the physical sense of heartache quite like he does now. Yeah, clearly he’s felt it before, but o the point of where he remembers it. This is good review. But he closes his eyes anyways and tries to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Man the man is nOn-StOp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gentlemen of the jury I’m curious bear with me

Screaming is all Steve could hear while he sat on the couch with Sharon. he immediately is up and running to Bucky’s room, opening the door to see a sleeping Bucky screaming for help as he kicks around and fights imaginary dangers. Steve gently takes his flailing wrists in his hands, sitting on the edge of his bed as Sharon stands in the doorway shocked. He sat on the edge of the bed, continuing to ignore the fact that Bucky was still kicking and trying to get out of his gentle hold. “Hey,  calm down.” Steve tells him, looking at Sharon who gives him a reassuring glance. “Your okay” he keeps whispering things to him, calming him down Until Bucky stops kicking but not yelling, he’s still talking nonsense in his sleep as his fingers twitch. So Steve takes hold of his hands, intertwining their fingers so that the twitching might stop. And to his surprise it does. And so does the screaming.

but then he starts to cry. And Steve doesn’t know what to do. So he just stays there and talks to him, rubbing circles on the back of his hands with his thumb. It breaks his heart to see Bucky cry, and he almost wants to cry with him. Continuing to talk to him seems to help and soon he’s sleeping peacefully again, although he has a death grip on Steve’s hands. But Steve doesn’t let go either. Too afraid that this is the only thing stopping him from crying. He doesn’t want to see him cry again. He hates seeing him cry. “Bucky, you have to let go” he says, looking at their hands. Bucky’s frown deepens but his grip loosens and Steve gently puts his hands down. Standing up he walks to the door where Sharon’s waiting for him. Putting an arm around her shoulders he kisses her head, walking back to the living room. “Does that happen a lot?” She asks, concern highlighting her words. “I’m assuming, I mean yesterday was his first night staying here and the same thing happened.” He explains, sitting down on the couch beside her. She nods in understanding. Bucky had only been asleep for four hours, which is better than nothing. But at least he might sleep longer now. No, around an hour later he walks out of his room, yawning and stretching. He takes sight of Sharon and almost hisses. It’s tempting. She smiles at him but her eyes hold a hint of worry. Bucky then looks at Steve who looks totally concerned and isn’t trying to hide it. Like, at all. “What?” Bucky asks, confused. Neither one of them answer. So Bucky waits a minute, looking between the two, maybe they just need to find their words. But he grows impatient. “What?” He says more aggressively, crossing his arms defensively. “Are you okay?” Sharon asks, a crease forming between her eyebrows. “Fine. Why?” Now Bucky is just clueless as to what is going on, and his face shows it. “You has another nightmare, only this time you didn’t wake up.” Steve supplies when he notices Sharon can’t explain it. Bucky frowns again. Thinking back on the dream. He remembers. And he remembers Steve talking to him. And the feeling he got when Steve grabbed his hands. His hands were warm in his own, and comforting to have and he didn’t wanna let go. So he held on tight. Steve told him to let go, that made him upset but he did anyway. And then Steve left. “I remember” he said, turning to leave again, embarrassed by his own actions in his sleep. He couldn’t take take this right now. He doesn’t have the energy. “Bucky?” Steve calls for him, making him stop in his tracks and sigh. “Yeah?” “Why don’t you come sit with us?” He offers, making Bucky nervous. He doesn’t want to. “That would mean I have to participate in conversation. That would also mean I would have to watch you two be cute. I’m uninterested” Steve snorts. “Come on Buck, don’t be like that” “I’ll be however the fuck I want” He sasses, frustration being the only thing going through his head. He only left his room because he thought miss piggy went home. And yeah, he means miss piggy, because the resemblance, is startling. “What’s wrong?” Sharon asks, seeming genuinely concerned. Bucky clenches his fists twice. “Nothing” She tilts her head. “Somethings gotta be wrong. You seem upset” “I’m okay” he was getting increasingly irritated at her prying. “Bucky...”Steve says and Bucky’s tear filled eyes immediately snap to him. “What’s wrong?” His voice is calm and he stands to walk towards Bucky who almost wants to shy away from his touch. But Bucky looks at his almost pained expression and his eyes soften too. And all he says is “I don’t know” He can’t tell Steve the real reason he’s so aggressive towards his girlfriend. What’s he supposed to say? ‘Sorry Steve, I’m about to ruin you and your girlfriends relationship as well as our friendship, but...I love you’ yeah, who does that? An asshole. and Bucky would hate that happening to him so hes not about to do it to someone else. Steve pulls him into a hug and Bucky gladly returns it, wrapping his arms around his waist. “I’m worried about you” Steve says when he pulls back, much to Bucky’s dismay. “You don’t have to be” Bucky replies, looking down slightly. “Yeah I do, you did it for me” he smiles, punching Bucky’s shoulder lightly. “I still would” Bucky grins turning to leave again. “Come on Bucky hang out with us” Sharon smiles, beckoning him over. “No, I don’t want to hang out with you” Bucky says, metal hand clenching even tighter. steve looks both confused and worried. “Well I don’t want you to be alone” she says, trying for a smile. Bucky punches a hole through the wall “I do! So stop!” He growls, breathing heavy from his frustration. Steve watches as his eyes go wide and he looks at the hole in the wall. “I’m sorry” he says after realizing what he had done. “Bucky it’s okay, it was an accident” Steve says, studying his friends pain stricken face but clearly the pain isn’t physical. Bucky was so angry at himself for doing that. Why did he do that. “Bucky, why did you yell at her?” Steve asks him, watching as he shakes his head and says “I don’t know” even though he does. “Bucky, don’t lie, I’m not mad.” Steve says, placing a hand on his shoulder. “What am I supposed to say?” Bucky asks. “I don’t know, just think about it for a minute” Steve tells his friend, keeping his hand firmly on his shoulder, as if it was the only thing keeping Bucky grounded. Which it is. “You okay now?” He asks after a few moments, to which Bucky sighs and nods. “I think so” Steve smiles gently at him and tells him he can go if he wants to, o which Bucky is too relieved about. “What was that?” Sharon asks, looking at where the winter soldier just stood. Steve shrugged, running a hand over his face in frustration. “He’s over whelmed I guess...ugh I don’t know” Sharon grabs his hand, sitting him back down on the couch. “Just try not to think about it for a bit, your stressing yourself” she says softly. ******* Over the course of the next few days Sharon had been coming around a lot. Of course, Bucky’s nightmares weren’t getting better but he doesn’t wake up during most of them, which worries Steve. He doesn’t know how to help him. Sharon has also been arguing with him a lot. Bucky thinks their going to break up but is busy trying not to care. Stark had the hole in the wall fixed and everything was okay. But Sharon and Steve weren’t the only ones fighting. Bucky and Steve have had two fights in three days that usually end up with both of them storming off into their own rooms and leaving Sharon in the kitchen. Bucky, couldn’t care less. But Steve always felt bad after leaving Sharon alone. Steve stormed into the kitchen when he got home, grabbing a bottle of water and walking past Bucky entirely. Bucky watched him walk by, unsee of what to do. But when he heard Steves bedroom door close, he stood up, walking after the super soldier and knocking on the door. “Stevie?” He asked, loud enough for him to hear. No reply. “Are you okay?” Bucky knocked again after he once again didn’t get a reply. “I’m coming in Steve” he warned before opening the door. Walking on his eyes almost immediately fell upon the figure in the middle of his bed staring at the wall behind Bucky’s head. “Hey” Bucky said, walking over to Steve and sitting down beside him. “What’s going on?” Steve’s voice was shaky when he spoke, “I broke up with Sharon.” Bucky would never admit it, that he wanted this the whole time. But it’s true. He did. “Oh, why?” Bucky asks, trying for the supportive roll. “I just don’t feel that way about her anymore but now that I’ve done it I wish I didn’t” he explains, making Bucky’s heart break. “I guess sometimes that happens, it doesn’t mean that you really did have feelings for that person still, it just means that your losing something that you remember as a good time in your life” Bucky reassures him, patting Steve on the back lightly for support. Steve sniffles and Bucky’s heart aches for him. “Do you want something? I can get it for you” Bucky offers, staring into the blue eyes that are looking at him sadly. Steve shakes his head no. “Well, why don’t you stay here. Right here. And I’ll go get something anyway? You want pizza?” Steve gives a small half smile and nods. So taking that as his cue to leave he stands up and walks to the door, exiting the room and then the building. He walks to the pizza place just down the road, and using a crumpled twenty from his coat pocket got a huge pizza, taking it back to the compound. Steve was still where he was before when he returned. Laying down on his stomach. Bucky walked in and put the pizza box on the end of the bed, sitting down beside Steve and waiting for him to sit up before taking anything from the box. Steve grabbed a slice, Bucky following suit as he talked to Steve and made him laugh. By the end of the night, the pizza box was empty and discarded on the floor and the boys were passed out. Steve laying properly in the bed, with his legs over Bucky’s back seen as he was laying sideways. And for a little bit, both boys were at peace. Until Bucky had yet another nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you aware that we’re making history?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Often I am upset that I cannot fall in love

His nightmare wasn’t as bad tonight, he didn’t wake up screaming, only with a slight jolt fear shooting up his spine as he he remembered where he was.  
As he remembered he’s safe in Steve’s bed.  
Which sounds bad but it’s all okay. He payed his head back down on the mattress, trying not to move so as not to wake the other sleeping figure. He felt a light air of fear creep up his spine, feeding in his mind. He wasn’t so sure as to why it was there, but he knew it was probably just his nightmares after affects. He really should be used to it by now, but for some odd reason he never seems to be as prepared for them as he thinks. He has trouble sleeping the rest of the night. The next morning when he feels Steve’s legs shift on his back he panics, quickly pretending to be asleep and evening out his breathing better, hoping Steve won’t notice that he’s actually awake. He doesn’t seem to, he just casually rolls off the bed so as not to wake Bucky. As soon as he hears the door close behind him Bucky lets out a relieved sigh, Unsure of why he pretended to be asleep in the first place. But around ten minutes later when Bucky thinks it’s not weird to get up anymore, he does. Walked me inyo the kitchen with a yawn and opening the fridge, feeling Steve’s eyes on him. “Morning Bucky” he greets, his voice gentle but tired sounding, and what can you expect from someone who just dumped their girlfriend the day before? Even if it is Sharon Carter..... “Morning” Bucky grabs a tub of strawberry yogurt and a spoon, downing half the container in one go. Steve sitting on the couch watching TV, has Bucky watching the back of his head with eerie interest. Even without looking st his face you can sense Steve’s grief for his gone relationship. “Stevie?” Bucky says, wanting to be able to do something to help. “Yeah?” He replies, turning his head to look at Bucky, his eyes sad but no sign of tears. “You wanna go out and do something?” He asks, hoping that getting Steve’s focuses off the subject will work. Steve shrugs, visibly pouting and turning back to the TV screen that’s playing some older 80’s reruns. “Are you sure? It could help” Bucky says, watching as Steve nods his head twice, not othering to give an actual answer. “Okay. Tell me if you want anything” he offers quietly, making his way to his room after putting his spoon in the sink and the yogurt back in the fridge. He wants to help Steve, and it hurts him to see Steve like this but he still needs to brush up on his people skills, he’s not used to being needed for emotional support. But he does know it’s good to give him space and be there when he needs it ir asks for it. And it’ll be worth it if it puts a smile in Steve’s face sooner, anything is worth that. A couple hours later of reading, Bucky exists his bedroom to find something for lunch, looking st the couch wheee Steve sprawled out, fast asleep. Bucky smiles. He grabs the blanket from over the back of the couch and throws it over him, walking to the kitchen to make a sandwich. He sits downstairs non the armchair, biting into his sandwich as he watches what Steve had previously been watching. It was back to the future, a series Steve told him was good. So Bucky decides to give it a chance, watching two of them before Steve’s eyelids flutter open and he yawns audibly, making Bucky look at him. Neither boy looks at each other after about four seconds of awkward eyes contact and Bucky averting his gaze back to the TV. He’s already noticed in those brief seconds that Steve looks better rested, way less tired or sad. “Are you okay?” Bucky asks, after five minutes of silence. “Yeah, I’m okay” Steve says, sounding less than genuine in his reply. “No your not” Bucky frowns, growing frustrated at not knowing how to make him feel better. “You know you can talk about it to me if you want right?” He tells him. Knowing it would hurt him to hear about it, hearing about the good and bad, and that he would just get upset over it, even though he knew it was selfish. “Yeah, I know. I just...I’m glad i broke up with her, I feel better, but I feel worse too. And u know we talked about this yesterday and it made me feel much better but I still partially feel like shit.” He grouches, sitting up in his position better. “I told you yesterday that that would happen, but you just have to keep thinking about the good things about being relieved of your relationship.” Bucky tries to comfort, hoping it didn’t come out sounding rude. If it did, Steve didn’t seem to notice because he kept ranting until he finally decided he wanted to call newt and the three of them would go out and do something. He didn’t even ask if Bucky was still up for going out, just said that he’ll take him up on his earlier offer about the subject and dialed Natasha’s number. Of course, Nat said sure. Saying she was bored anyway. So the three went out, Nat dragging them to a bar where she said first round was on her. And obviously, no one complained. Bucky tried to keep to himself, bars weren’t exactly his forte anymore so he was there sitting awkwardly at the bar beside Steve who was flirting with any interested girl as a way ticket get over his previous heartbreak. But that...that was breaking Bucky’s heart and he wanted to vocalize it. He wanted to scream. He watched Steve flirt with Peggy and Sharon and now he’s watching him flirt with random women who check him out. Where’s his dignity? And where’s Bucky’s? Bucky has none. Or at least he feels like it when Steve flirts with everyone but him. So fully aware that his serum stops his ability to get drunk, he still down his entire glass, wishing that his serum would flake out in that department and Bucky’s could get hammered, but he was ultimately disappointed when he didn’t even feel a buzz. The whole time he’s been watching Steve with lovesick puppy eyes he didn’t even notice Nat watching him. She felt for the poor guy, she’s always suspected his crush on his best friend, but watching this was too much for her. She felt sick watching Bucky watch Steve with intense love and hurt on his face, the longing in his eyes when he tries to hold back a cry of heartbreak when Steve gets up to dance with a girl. He watches the pair, and Natasha watches him, studying the intense love in his eyes as he wishes that he could tell Steve. She understands, because with Bruce, he closed himself off to prevent him getting angry at his love and hurting her. But this is different too. Bucky lives with Steve and if something went wrong he’d have nowhere to go, not that Steve would ever kick him out because he wouldn’t, but Bucky would leave on his own if something went sideways. Bucky wouldn’t know what to do with himself if he didn’t have Steve, and bats always been able to sense it on both sides. Because whether Steve realizes it or not, he’s in love with Bucky too. He’s just a little harder to read. By now Bucky looked as though he wanted to get up and do something about what was going on. He looked as though he was about to scream his feelings all at once to make Steve understand. Make him understand how he hurts everyday knowing Steve wasn’t interested, how he wants to rip his hair out like he’s going bald from hair dye like Michael Clifford will. How he wants to punch holes in the wall with his metal appendage and then slam his face off where he didn’t. And Natasha couldn’t take one more second of his eyes silently pleading for all of this to stop. For Steve to stop. For his heartache to stop. And so Nat put her hand up in front of the guys face who was trying to flirt with her and walked towards Bucky, saying his name over the loud music until he looked at her. She placed a hand on his arm gently and even though he saw her do it, he still jumped slightly, and Nat knew this was his breaking point. They’d been here well over two hours and Steve barely spoke to him. Only telling him not to wait up for him because he was probably gonna go home with someone else. And he never said anything to Bucky after. And Bucky kept replaying his words in his head. “No point in waiting for me, I feel like I’m just gonna head out with someone else later” and the he had left without giving bcky a chance to say anything. Nat pulled him up, telling him to stay there for a hot second while she told Steve they were leaving. “Hey, were gonna go. You have fun” she said, giving him a flat smile. He nods Giving her a grin before turning back to his dancing partner. Oh how Natasha’s blood boiled that he didn’t even bother to glance at Bucky or offer to go with them. This breakup of his sucks not only for him, but everyone around him too. Nat returned to where she had left Bucky, funding him in the same spot with a blank expression, looking totally emotionless. “Come on” she said over the pounding of the music in her ears, gently pulling him through the threshold of drunk people. They drove back to the compound in relative slilence, Bat glancing at Bucky who only stared out the window. “Are you okay?” She asks quietly once they parked the car. He looks at her, half frowning. “Yep” he says, getting out of the car. “Listen Barnes I can see your clearly not” she states, walking to the door with him. “Then why’d you ask?” He snaps, not too rudely. “Because I wanted you to tell me what’s going on without me having to tell you that I already know” she replies, following him into the elevator. “Fine, I will be okay, so there’s no need to tell you what’s goung on if it’s nothing” he pouts, pressing his and Steve’s floor number. “Bucky, come on. I thought we’re friends now, and it might do you some good to talk to someone about it. I one hundred percent pinky promise to never tell Steve” she says quietly, holding out her pinky for him. He sighs, knowing she’s right. He takes the pinky promise, she’s right, their friends now. And he wants to tell someone and she’s his next best friend next to Steve. “So I have a tiny crush on my best friend” he whines, plopping down onto the sofa when they reach his floor. Nat sits beside him. “Come on. Don’t bulkshit me Barnes.” Nat says while she places a reassuring hand on his leg. Bucky deeply frowns. “I’m in love with Steve, and I don’t know how he doesn’t know. I’m not as secretive about it as I thought” he says quietly, keeping his eyes trained thoughtfully in the floor. “He’s oblivious.” She states, beckoning for him to continue. “I’ve tried to make myself stop. But I can’t. Because it doesn’t work.” Nat nods in understanding, not pushing any at all for him to talk. “No matter how many times I convince myself I don’t love him, I see him with someone else and it hurts all over again.” His voice cracks at the end and tears threaten to spill over. “How long?” She asks, knowing he’ll understand her question. “Forever. I love Steve. I’ve always loved Steve and I can’t stop.” And now he’s crying and he’s getting frustrated for it. “Fuck!” He says gripping his hair with his flesh hand as he sobs. “I’ve loved Steve, for a hundred years. And still” he pauses to take a sharp breath and look at Natasha. “And it’s still not enough to make him feel the same” He lets out a broken sob and covers his face in his hands. So Natasha rubs his back in calming circular motions and leans her head on his shoulder and allows him to cry. And Bucky feels safe. He feels safe with Nat being there to help him with his mess of a heartbreak story. His mess of a mind. Neither of them realize they’d been at this for a few hours. Bucky kept crying and talking about his feelings as Nat was eager to listen, she wanted to be able to get as much information as she could. She wanted to be able to give him good advice, and make him feel secure with her. And Bucky was still crying at two in the morning when the elevator bell rang and Bucky tensed up. The doors opened and Steve walked in, hair messy, and jacket tucked under his arm. Bucky got yo as soon as he heard the bell. Making his way down the hallway as soon as he stepped through the doors. His eyes were puffy and this was setting him off again. He had just stopped crying and now after hours of trying to stop he was about to have an. Attack of some kind. Because suddenly he was sad and angry and he shut his bedroom door behind him and screamed. He screamed a heartbreaking awful sound and Nat ran after him. Knowing full well that Bucky’s emotional state was demolished as soon as he looked at Steve and knew exactly what he had been up to. And Bucky doesn’t care at all if Steve knows right now. He just wants to scream and scream and scream. His voice is already scratchy from crying, and now he had screamed and it felt like someone shoved a lead pipe down his throat. And Nat bursts trough the door, locking it behind her and pulling Bucky yo from hugging his pillows and making him hug her instead. “I know this sucks” she mumbles to him. “This really sucks” Bucky mumbles back, sobbing harder against her shoulder. “I know” she frowns, hugging tighter as she wishes she could help make his heartache stop. A knock sounds at the door and Steve’s voice sounds through. “Bucky? Are you okay?” He asks, the worry in his voice loud and clear, cutting into Bucky’s brain as he listens. But he doesn’t want to reply. “He’s okay, something happened. He doesn’t want to talk about it” Nat supplies, telling pretty much the truth. “Then why’d he talk about it to you?” Steve asks, the pout almost oresent in his voice. “He didn’t have to” she snaps, still letting Bucky grip her sweater like there’s tomorrow as he calms himself down enough to breathe properly. “Bucky, come on. You can tell me anything. It’s okay” he soothes through the door his voice setting off a hundred bombshell in Bucky’s head and he grips Natasha’s sweater harder, pretty sure he’s gonna rip it soon. “Steve! Shut your mouth! It’s truggering him more!” She shouts at him, growing very impatient with his pushing already. “How would I be triggering him? Nat what happened?” He asks, voice desperate and utterly confused. Natasha sighs before she speaks. “It’s not up to me to tell you. I promised I wouldn’t” at those words Bucky relaxes a little and his grip on Nats black hoodie loosens immensely. “We have to talk to him, he’s not gonna stop until he knows your okay.” Bucky grumbles and pulls his head away from nats shoulder. His eyes are puffy and extremely bloodshot as he shakes his head in protest but is too tired to start a fight. Nat must’ve noticed because she pulls his duvet out from under them and tells Steve that Bucky is way too exhausted from crying and that they’ll talk in the morning. And Nat insists on staying with Bucky. To make both men feel better as well as herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But I guess this avoids the stress of falling out of it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aye aye bitch 5sos’s new album is out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol suck it

The next morning Bucky woke up feeling extremely lighter after crying himself to sleep with Natasha. Turns out she’s a really sweet friend. She stayed up with him all night until he finally fell asleep, staying with him the whole night. He watches the back of her head, knowing any such movement might wake the sleeping assassin.

after a little while of staying as still possible he felt a shift on the mattress and Nat sat up slowly, yawning slightly and turning to Bucky. “Hey. You feeling okay?” She asked, a slight softness to her voice that had been there even last night when she was comforting him. Bucky nodded, sitting up as well. “Yeah, I feel a lot better” he said, offering a small smile which she returned happily. “I did good” she congratulated herself, nodding in approval. Bucky chuckled. “Yeah, you did” Nat got out of bed, insisting on talking to Steve about his feelings. Bucky knee Steve would be relentless, needing to know. He would feel obligated to solve Bucky’s problem. And Bucky dreads having to talk about it. Most likely Nat will come up with something, knowlying Bucky doesn’t have the balls to tell him. Or Bucky will chicken out and not tell him. Bucky could barely bring himself to leave the room. He was terrified out of his mind, thinking up various scenarios of how this could go wrong. He tried to remind himself that Nat was there with him. That he’s okay. And it helped.....to some degree. Nat had a comforting grip on his arm as they walk into the living room, Steve asleep on the couch with a frown etched into the lines of his face. His eyebrows were drawn together and his mouth was set in a thin line, the corners turned down slightly. Bucky and Natasha decided not to wake him, seen as he didn’t go to bed in a particularly good mood. And besides, Bucky wanted to stall for as long as possible anyway. So he made breakfast while Nat made coffee and set plates up at the breakfast bar. “You’ll be fine” She reassures the soldier, setting down the final fork. “Just pretend your talking to me. And ignore the fact that Steve will probably be a clueless twat anyway” Bucky snorts loudly, dishing the scrambled eggs out onto two plates and leaving the rest on the stove for Steve. “Yeah, probably” Bucky agreed, some of his anxiety dissipating as he talks to the woman across the table from him as he eats. A moment after they finish eating a small groan sounds from the living room and Steve sits up. Bucky’s heart stops. Oh god. This is it. He thinks, swallowing his last mouthful of coffee before setting the mug down and looking at Nat for guidance. She gives him an encouraging smile and leans back in her chair. This is not going to end well for the winter soldier. Steve walked into the kitchen, his hair a serious mess just like the other two’s. Nobody had really bothered to do anything about it. “Can I have these?” Steve asks, nodding towards the eggs in the stove. Bucky nods but doesn’t look up. Too afraid of which well known expression the super soldier would be wearing. Nat stands up abruptly. “I’m gonna go brush my hair, Barnes, can I use your brush?” She asks, already walking down the hall. “Yep” the man in question answers, not trusting himself to be able to get more than one word out at a time. “You wanna talk about yesterday?” Steve asks when Natasha’s in the bathroom. Bucky firmly shakes his head. “No” “Come on, we’re best friends. You can trust Nat but not me? Hardly seems fair” he says, an accusatory tone seeping through to his usual caring one. “If you knew you’d change your words. But you don’t know” Bucky tells Steve, standing up to level with him. “Buck, how can I know if you won’t tell me?” He says, the softness returning to his voice as he speaks, like he’s trying not to sound hurt. Bucky refrains from wincing at the slight crack in his voice. “This will ruin our friendship” Bucky states, trying his best at sounding like he’s not two seconds away from crying. “I don’t think anything could ever ruin our friendship” Steve tries o assure the brunette, slowly approaching him as he forgets about his food. “This would. And I wanna tell you but...I don’t, I don’t know how. I....” Bucky’s voice shakes and he shys away from Steve trying to reach out a comforting hand to put on his shoulder, because Steve senses the frustration growing in the other man.. “I can’t find the right words” “You don’t have to. Just use whatever words come to your mind” “Um...I love you and I. Tried to convince myself I don’t. I tried to make myself okay with being friends, but I’m not and I never have been and all this convincing was for nothing because i realizecnow that I always knew no matter how much convincing I do...it’s not gonna help. I never expected you to feel the same. But I always told myself hope exists even when I know it doesn’t” Bucky explained, struggling for words the entire speech. Steve didn’t interrupt, he was too shocked. Too damn shocked I say anything at first, but slowly the words came from his mouth. The ones he’d been longing to say to his best friend since the olden days. Since they met. He always thought a hundred years of loving Bucky would never pay off. But they did. They did as he tells Bucky “I love you too” And Bucky frowns, not a disappointed one. God no. But a confused one. Where he looks upset but confused and fine all at once. And a moment later he’s touching Steve. Kissing him in a matter of a moment as he lets himself have what he’s akways wanted. One chance to tell Steve. A chance he took. He took it. And refuses to let himself regret it. So he kisses Steve. With passion and love, keeping his hands firmly on Steve’s waist, as Steve’s fingers slip through his belt loops to pull him closer. And in those perfect moments. Everything has stopped. And for once they both can be totally happy with how the future turned out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao

**Author's Note:**

> Cool.....


End file.
